Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
