I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
