CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
