Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
