That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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