And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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