i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No...this little piggys going to the bar
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
