Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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