Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
