My nipple is on Facebook.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
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My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
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We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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