I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
