omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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