I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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