I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
