i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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