We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
