do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
