very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
