Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
