Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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