i permit you to call me
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
