dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
