it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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