Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize