He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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