why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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