playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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