the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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