some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
