pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
