i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
