dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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