is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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