It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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