apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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