Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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