some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
