You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
