The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
