drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
