Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
