I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think my moral compass just broke
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
