FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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