Say something about gay babies.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
