as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
