I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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