Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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