Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
