he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
