There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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