I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
