I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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