I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
