He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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