I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
