he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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