ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
