my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
