Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
it's like iHOP with fire
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize