I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
