Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
