wanna go halves on a baby?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
high people should be assigned attendants
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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