I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize