so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
