we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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