The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
