in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
