420 ftw
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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